the red breakdown
by 6127
Summary: Tannis tries to f@#k a chair. Don't smoke crack...fic. Unfortunate pairing of Salvador/Krieg.
1. Chapter 1

It was 1:30 am and all of the local drunks in sanctuary were just now leaving Moxxi's bar, including one very inebriated Patricia Tannis. It had been quite a busy night for her, she drank 16 beers and started up a fight with some jerk-off who told her that her goggles looked stupid! I know right? Like who the fuck doesn't like goggles? Anyways, she was stumbling her way back home, alone and horny. The only problem was that she was just far to drunk to fuck. Its not like it mattered though because she only had eyes for her Phillipe. and he was *sniffle* dead!

"Ohhhh Phillipe how I miss the so." she lamented "you are the only love I shall ever know." at this point she fell to the ground crying her eyes out for her lost love but out of the corner of her eyes she saw something. It was a ceiling chair very much like Phillipe staring at her. "wha...what do you *sniffle* want you are not my Phillipe."

The chair did not say anything because it is an inanimate object and therefor is incapable of speech, but Tannis being crazy and all heard it say "My Patricia I have been watching you from a distance for so long and now I feel that I must confess my feelings for you. Patty I...I love you and I am tired of seeing you hurt please if you will give me a chance." Patrica was silent for a moment. Could she really love someone else other than her Phillipe? She must try! Its what he would have wanted. "Very well I shall give you a chance to please me." with that said she stumbled over to the chair and began to taking off her clothes.

She started with her shoes. She slowly reached down to her foot and began to pull the strings on her shoe laces. It wasn't long until the knot came undone. She carefully reached down and removed the shoe from her now bare foot(SOCKS ARE FOR PUSSIES). She repeated this action with her other foot until she was standing there with nothing on but her bra, panties, jacket, shirt, pants,scarf and goggles on. Next she began to carefully remove the goggles from the top of her head, being careful not to mess up her hair despite the fact that it was all ready messy as fuck from when she was in that bar fight earlier. ohhh now things were starting to get really sexy as she reached over and started to take off her jacket.

Blah blah blah blah blah she took of her shirt blah blah erect nipples blah blah something about being wet. Okay now she was naked and she began to stroke the chairs large shaft. "oh my look how big you are. I think we might get along after all." After a few minutes of soft stroking she began to pick up speed. Oh he was close now, he was very close, it would only be a couple of more seconds before he released his hot seed all over the place. Or he would if he wasn't A DAMN CHAIR!

"oh my you sure did get a lot out. And look even after that your still hard well it looks like we will just have to fix that." With that said see got down on her knees and began to suck on the wooden shaft. This of course did nothing because once again a fucking chair, but I her mind her new lover was making a sorts of moaning noises, begging her for more. She kept sucking and sucking and sucking until the finish on the wood began to fall off. After several more seconds of sucking the chair came for the second time, but to her amazement he was still hard even after all that.

"Nothing is working looks like I will have to use the only thing I've got left." she got off of her knees and began to position herself over the chairs shaft. She crept forward ever so slowly. I mean like really really reallllllyyyy god damn slowly. As in so fucking slow that you could hardly tell that she was moving at all. After like 20 minute she finally almost touching the chair when all of the sudden...KRIEG AND SALVADOR BURST THROUGH THE DOOR WHILE MAKING OUT! They knocked into Tannis and the chair thus causing it to break and rendering Tannis unconscious.

"OH SHIT! I think we knocked her out amigo." Salvador exclaimed. "THE MEAT IS WAITING SHOOT ME TILL YA LOVE ME." "What ever you say."

The events that took place after this are far too horrifying for any sane person to describe so this is where I must leave you.


	2. Krieg and Sal have sex

**In the last chapter I told you that no sane person could describe the events. Well I went insane so here is just what you never wanted to see**

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Tannis was still unconscious on the floor and Salvador was making out with Krieg. Krieg was not wearing his mask like he normally would and Sal was missing his shirt, which had gotten ripped off on their way back to the HQ. It was quite a sight to see. Eventually the two made their way over to one of the many beds that lined the walls. Krieg picked Sal up and put him down roughly on to the bed in front of him.

"Oi watch it." Sal said after being roughly thrown on to the bed. This seemed to annoy Krieg who was ready to get down to business. "I want to eat your meat!" Sal then had his pants practically rip from his body and at that moment Krieg lowed himself down to where his lovers penis was located. Slowly he began to lick and tease as Sal got hard. "Don't stop." Sal breathed roughly as pleasure began to over take his body. Krieg then proceeded to take the entirety of the other mans member into his mouth and began to move up and down. " g-getting close" Sal practically whispered. Sal could no long hold it in and he came in Kriegs mouth, the latter of whom swallowed it all.

After that Sal lied back onto the bed and tried to recover but unfortunately for him Kreig had other plans for him. As he was lying there he suddenly felt something between his legs and looked down to see Krieg positioning himself at his entrance. Sal was beginning to get a little nervous because he had never done this before and he was afraid that it might hurt. Krieg seemed to notice his partners nervous tension and attempted to reassure him that he would be gentle.

"I wont grind your meat too hard!" This strangely made Sal calm down some. Krieg leaned down to give him one last kiss before he pushed himself inside. As Krieg entered his opening Sal suddenly felt a stinging pain inside him. Krieg quickly stopped moving reached down to cuddle Sal until the pain subsided. It took a few minutes but after the pain stopped Krieg began moving his hips, slowly at first so he didn't hurt Sal. After awhile he began moving faster and faster until he reached his peak. Krieg lifted Sal up by his legs and with a groan he spilled his seed inside the smaller man. With a deep breath Krieg fell back onto the bed. Sal crawled over to him and they cuddled for the rest of the night.

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Little did they know that Tannis had woken up Halfway through their little get together. She managed to quietly gather her clothes and slip out the door before they noticed. She ended up sleeping on a bench that night and was woken up by Lilith the next morning.

"Jeez you look horrible! What happened to you after you left last night?" Lilith asked curiously. "Please don't make me remember."

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**So it looks like I have just committed crimes against humanity. I'm gonna go rethink my life... **

**P.S. remember to only give me negative criticism and creative insults. **


End file.
